Lovesick Antics

Flowers In the Addict

The First Month Of Love

January has flown by safe and soundly… With Love in the air, life is awesome.
The idea is to be on here often, talking about myself. But I’ve been way to busy!
I’ve been focused on just being in the moment, riding the pleasure wave, and covering my tracks along the way.



I’ve taken some time to figure things out and reflect on this past year.
I’m going to start new, focus on chosen areas, and work on fully coming to terms with myself. I’m hoping that I’ll learn how to be patient and better respect the decisions that other people come to even though I don’t like it and I plan to focus on the positive and reject drama and negativity because I’ve learned that it really isn’t worth it. You know how silly other peoples drama looks when you’re not involved? Yeah.. Think about it..
I love building deep connections with people and falling in love and I don’t think that will ever change, nor do I want it to change.
Creative self expression, being creatively productive and more focused career wise is all of high importance to me, but most of all, focusing on being me and letting everyone else figure it out for themselves is at the top of my list.
There’s the little things too, such as switching from alcohol to marijuana, daily meditation and buying a Porsche.. of course.

Happy New Year


Life is flowing more freely these past days, my creativity is returning, I’m making decisions in areas of my life that were nagging me, tying up loose ends, focusing on having patience and letting go of those things I put my energies into that I have no real control over.


I just need to focus on being me and let everyone else figure it all out for themselves for awhile.

Do Over

The past few weeks have been difficult for me and I haven’t exactly been myself lately. It’s probably safe to say that I’ve been at my complete worst.
I’ve been short tempered with a bad attitude towards people,  slacking at work and the such. In all honesty, I’m not liking myself at all at the moment. 😦
I focus a lot on my own feelings, emotions, and actions in situations; and it might seem shallow, but… If I don’t think on my own behalf and take myself into consideration, then who will?

I’ve got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now; work, college, relationships, family, friends, dance, projects, social activities, and such things (to name a few) are jumping up at me from every angle and I’m becoming run down.
I need a break, maybe even a do-over would be nice at this point but since I don’t have a time machine…a break is going to have to suffice.
I figure that a few weeks to center and ground myself will do me some good.
First step though.. revise my blog.

Love is warm So is Hell

When I was told that I wouldn’t know a real marriage if it bit me in the ass, of course, I was pissed off at first, but after thinking about it, they’re right. If a “real” marriage were to come up and bite me in the ass, I’d most likely reject it because I don’t believe in religion enough to agree with it.
In doing a little research on marriage, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it’s a customary religious ideal outlined in the bible and includes a legal binding document between two people (a man and a woman) and the state that they live in.  I’m not religious and my zombie twin believes that laws made side by side with religion were meant to be broken.  Therefore, if deep down I’m a non-religious, anarchist, hippie type, why in the world would I fall prey to any religious beliefs and be “okay” with state laws that enforce it?  Shouldn’t I be able to choose whom, how many and which way to love without the worry of society calling me a sinner and the state saying it’s illegal?
Just because I scoff at the idea of agreeing with a Christian concept doesn’t mean I’m not for “commitment.” Between two or more people, commitment can be a very beautiful thing, when held together by love. Most people are brought up to believe that love isn’t enough and choose to let religious beliefs and state laws dictate their love relationships. In my point of view, this is “reedamndickulous.”

Here’s a thought I have from time to time…
Imagine waking up one morning to discover that religion was only set in place, not for God, but to control people by using God as a weapon.  If there were no religious and government laws binding people together out of fear of what would happen to them legally and in the eyes of the Lord if they were to (fill in deceitful doing fueled by feelings of love here), then what?

The ideal marriage situation and state laws that govern this union has found it’s way into the lives of not only Christian, God fearing people, but in to the lives of those that don’t believe in religion as well. This to me is the biggest feat that the church has had over on society yet. Whether or not people are Christian, they’re following a religious belief system without even questioning it. Some people don’t agree with religion and consider themselves independent free spirits, yet adhere to the marriage tradition set forth originally by religious belief systems and then go as far to frown on those that offend those beliefs. Do we call them hypocrites? Or, what about those that are not Christian or religious and don’t want to follow the biblical ideal of marriage, yet have to because it’s the law? The first and easiest thing to think is “don’t get married then, if you don’t agree with it” but there’s such thing as common law, where after 7 years, a couple is married by proxy. Wouldn’t that be forcing religious ideals and state contracts onto people without their permission? Where’s the fucking freedom in that?

When it comes to the relationships I’m involved in, I’d rather have love, affection, desire, pleasure and passion influence my actions and hold me close to the other person as opposed to biblical and state laws, but that’s just me. Love is warm, so is Hell; Love is red, so is the Devil. So yeah, I may not know what a real marriage is, or choose to follow its “laws” but I do know what Love is.

Unknown Bliss

Existing is inevitable..Experiencing life is a choice.

With everything being turned upside down and people dropping like flies when I need them the most. My life has become rather difficult at the moment.

I have a belief that life will test a person for different reasons, with one idea being that a person can only appreciate how good something is if they’ve experienced it’s opposite. With this thought in mind, I’ve chosen to look at my current experiences as a challenge that my universe is expanding to new heights. Hopefully I’ll learn what I’m supposed to and be ready for whatever life is planning to hand me next. I’m ready for growth, especially if it takes me away from the dealings of my daily life at the moment.

I’ve been observing other peoples choices and decisions that they consciously make knowing full well that it’s taking them in the opposite direction of their bliss; going against what it is they truly want and making them feel unhappy.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the situation they choose, it’s that they’re afraid and would rather conform to a known existence out of the fear of loss, instead of branching out into an unknown bliss.
Fear of the unknown can be hard to overcome, but why settle for a known

I’m going to have to go with “unknown bliss..”

“All our times have come
Here but now they’re gone
Seasons don’t fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Come on baby…don’t fear the reaper
Baby take my hand…don’t fear the reaper
We’ll be able to fly…don’t fear the reaper
Baby I’m your man…

Valentine is done
Here but now they’re gone
Romeo and Juliet
Are together in eternity…Romeo and Juliet
40,000 men and women everyday…Like Romeo and Juliet
40,000 men and women everyday…Redefine happiness
Another 40,000 coming everyday…We can be like they are
Come on baby…don’t fear the reaper
Baby take my hand…don’t fear the reaper
We’ll be able to fly…don’t fear the reaper
Baby I’m your man…

Love of two is one
Here but now they’re gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn’t go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew then disappeared
The curtains flew then he appeared…saying don’t be afraid
Come on baby…and she had no fear
And she ran to him…then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye…she had become like they are
She had taken his hand…she had become like they are
Come on baby…don’t fear the reaper”

Being Polyamorous

I’ve always claimed to be polyamorous, because the idea has always set well with me and because of that I’ve come across many people that are simply after a fling or a simple no strings attached situation, but it was never enough for me so I wouldn’t get involved with them. I just couldn’t and wouldn’t do it.
Not to long ago, I met someone. The minute I was around him a part of me wanted to grab on, never let go and find a little spot in his life to cuddle in to. So, I tried. With him being married to a monogamous woman, it was probably a bad idea (for her) that I tried to squeeze my way in, but I couldn’t help myself. A part of me is still trying to figure out “why him” but really, does that even matter?
All I know is that I wanted to keep him around and build something deep.
I never stopped loving my husband or got jealous of his wife. I just wanted what we had when we were together. The moment things started to develop I lost all jealous feelings towards my husband and actually got to feel what true compersion really feels like.
Experiencing being in your relationships because of love and not because of fear of loosing something is awesome.

I think that being poly is more than just choosing to have multiple lovers it’s about being able to really feel deeply for more than one and being happy for their other loves.
It’s not a choice. Just like a woman doesn’t choose whether or not to be a lesbian, she just is. You’re born like that. I’m beginning to think that the same holds true for those that are polyamorous.

Touch Me Not Come Back Tomorrow

I love this..

“Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” -Mother Teresa

“One joy shatters a hundred griefs.” -Chinese Proverb

“To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it.” -John Templeton

“Joy is not in things, it is in us.” -Richard Wagner

…Here I am, Here I am..Waiting to hold you..

Now my Foolish Boat, Is Leaning..
..Broken lovelorn on your rocks..

Pure genius…


Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
‘Til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle
And you sang
Sail to me, sail to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am, here I am
Waiting to hold you

Did I dream you dreamed about me ?
Were you hare when I was fox ?
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks
For you sing
‘Touch me not, touch me not
Come back tomorrow
Oh my heart, oh my heart
Shies from the sorrow’

I am puzzled as the oyster
I am troubled as the tide
Should I stand amid your breakers ?
Or should I lie with death my bride ?
Hear me sing
‘Swim to me, swim to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am, here I am
Waiting to hold you’

Blissful Independence

  When your soul is free, everything is easy…if it’s anything but, You’re not following your bliss..

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” – Joseph Campbell 1904-1987

Blissful Independence..
I was born to express the freedom of Spirit.
When I reach out to you with love, I feel this cosmic energy stream freely through me.
When I release painful burdens from the past, I am the flowing water of the river and not a rock on its shores.
When I live in joy, my Heaven surrounds me.




Ladies and Guys

Wow.. um.. just figured out.  I have readers following and subscribing .. Isn’t that something?  I mean, who’d of thought Love could have a following with all the people willing to trash it with shit instead of accepting it for what the fuck it really is.